As servants of the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, we have to strive to gain more of HIS Spirit. One of the areas that are essential is conflict resolution. To be a safe and humble person for those around you at work, church, and at home, it is essential that one is able to maintain composure when one’s ‘buttons’ are being pushed. This inner strength, given to us by His Spirit, will help one achieve the desired goals in personal relationships with man and spiritual relationship with God. (Ecclesiastes 7: 8, 2 Peter 1: 5-11, Galatians 5: 22-23)

Share “negative” emotions only in person.

The words one chooses are to edify and, ultimately, be on one accord with God and one another. Emails, answering machine messages, and notes are too impersonal for the delicate nature of “negative” words. What feels like a bomb on paper may feel like a feather when delivered in person.

Pepper your responses with the phrase, “I understand”.

This phrase will support your goals when the tension is high and you need to find common ground to form compromises or agreements with the other party.

Take notice when you feel threatened by what someone is saying to you.

Resist the temptation to defend yourself or to “shut down” the other person’s communication. It will take this kind of discipline to become an open,

Practice making requests of others when you are angry.

It is often much more useful to make a request than to share your anger. For example, if the babysitter is driving you crazy by leaving dirty dishes in the sink, it is better to make a request of them to do the task required than to let your anger leak out in other ways such as by becoming more distant, backbiting or tale-bearing.

Try repeating the exact words that someone is saying to you when they are in a lot of emotional pain or when you disagree with them completely.

This mirroring technique can keep both the speaker and the listener ‘centered’ in a difficult conversation, especially when the attitude of the person doing the mirroring is to gain an understanding of a different point of view. For example, you can say, “.So what I understand you are saying is…”

Take responsibility for your feelings. Avoid blaming others. Take notice when ‘blame shifting’ begins to leak into your speech.

“I feel angry when you are twenty minutes late and you don’t call me” is much better than, “You make me so mad by being late.”

Learn to listen to the two sides of the conflict that you are in as if you were the mediator or the counselor. If you can listen and respond in this way you will bring peace and solutions to the conflict more quickly.

For example, in response to a request, you might say, “On the one hand I understand that you really need this, and on the other hand I represent the Youth Committee, whose funds are very scarce at this time. Is there a way that we can work on an alternative method to achieve our goals?” Here, the mediator’s point of view can look for the creative compromise that takes into account the limits and the needs of both parties.

Wait a few hours or so to cool down emotionally when a situation makes you feel wild with intense feelings, such as rage, and then go to that individual before the sun sets to resolve the issue.

As time passes, you will be able to be more objective about the issues and to sort out the truth about the situation more clearly.

Make a decision to speak with decorum whenever you are angry or frustrated.

If you give yourself permission to blow up, people will not feel safe around you. They will feel that you are not predictable and will carry ‘shields’ when they are near you. The fear and walls of others will not support your goals for success in relationships or at work.

Remember, if you want someone to listen to you, be willing to be an even better listener! Consider the other person’s point of view FIRST, then your own.

Try to understand their points of view to see if a misunderstanding occurred on YOUR part. Overall, these simple, humble adjustments will keep us on the path of righteousness and allow us to further absorb God’s Spirit!

Peace and love in Jesus’ name!